It is customary to evaluate language use morally. Especially the idea of truth and lie plays an important part. As early as in the Bible we were taught not to lie, and as an exception to the rule we obey. Unless we are caught lying. Many promising careers came to a shameful end because it could be proved someone had not toldt he truth. And what is more: Sometimes it is sufficient just to suspect a lie.
The truth/lie distinction also applies, as the term implies, for white lies; however, in that case truth of a higher order is claimed, for whose sake the liar acts. It is presupposed the interlocutor will not be able to bear the truth or to realize it. Hence the white lie. Especially parents whose children are old enough to believe in Santa Claus appreciate that mechanism. It helps bridge time until a child receives pocket money which can be pedagogically cut. So there is no arguing about the difference between true and false, but it is a matter of evaluation.
Only providing that we can fully appreciate the fasinating way compliments are constructed, for they absolutely neglect the true/false criterion. That is, compliments can never be totally true nor false. This indifferent state is due to the fact the complimenting person has no choice between truth and falsehood. The social constraints do not assign that alternative. As a consequence, we will sometimes run the risk of reaping head-shaking indignitation instead of head-nodding appreciation if we prefer truth to lie. Assuming, we confront the General Manager's wife at the champagne buffet with our observation she must have increased her weight for about 20 per cent since the last social contact. This might be truth-, but not helpful for our career planning. This goes for her husband's receding hair-line, too. Reversely we are not allowed to lie too ostentatiously. Congratulating the General Manager's wife in the same situation to her spectacular weight reduction does not count as a compliment either - quite the contrary, it is regarded as malicious passing shot bluntly denying the obvious facts to emphasize them. As can be seen, compliments mean skating on thin ice and being dependent on that joker called delicacy. It decides if a compliment X uttered in situation Y still is a compliment when uttered in situation Z. So compliments are highly situative and culture-bound.
Taking historical information into account one cannot avoid the impression Germany has not been an area predominantly ocupied with sophisticated conversation and complimenting. Quite the contrary: Vast parts of the population have mistrusted Western European courtesy ever since. Perhaps that attitude rejecting intended face work has been a constituent factor on the way to developing German national identity. Dismissing the art of complimenting, as was cultivated on the left side of the Rhine, underlining its Machiavellist implications made it possible to insist on German sincerity and profoundness the French poseurs lacked who talked the severity of Life away. In turn, German severity was interpreted elsewhere as typical lack of politeness, fantasy and wit. The history of German politics is abundant of diplomatic confusions, affairs and embarrassments of that kind. We only have to think (in various degrees) of Wilhelm II. or Ribbentrop, even, much more harmless, of a former German Federal President. In films, the typical German of that time is always very strict, strained and stiff, presenting his duelling scars and parting of the hair executing his bow in such an abrupt way as if he wanted to knock his interlocutor's head. During the whole evening he will not indulge in a smile, be resistant to irony (which qualifies him as the perfect victim) and need large amounts of beer to generate a kind of humour which roughness will aggravate the apalling imprssion he has been making. The aftermath of this image still defines the international stereotype of being German.
Till the last quarter of the 20th century German mentality examined whether compliments and lies were the same. This attitude has not changed until the irony boom of the 1990s. This might have promoted the culture of complimenting, but unfortunately now the spirit of the age, the Zeitgeist, is hindering, for either a compliment is regarded to be plainly cynical or to be bluntly harassing. The latter goes especially for naive men who simply try to be polite meet ladies susceptible to molestation. The USA, which own without a doubt the cultural supremacy, are less reserved, in contrast. Apparently it is the American fashion to ask somebody about his or her secret, to assure him or her he or she looks young, he or she has flawless - in other words: false - teeth, and flourish! he or she has reduced some weight. Anyway, it is very telling hardly anyone compliments a person to his or her education and intelligence.
So making a compliment is a difficult thing. It might be helpful to become aware this is a case in point of a win-win situation: I compliment you and become increasingly appreciated. Therfore the conventional way of complimenting is everybody thinks they are empty phrases which are indispensable.
The truth/lie distinction also applies, as the term implies, for white lies; however, in that case truth of a higher order is claimed, for whose sake the liar acts. It is presupposed the interlocutor will not be able to bear the truth or to realize it. Hence the white lie. Especially parents whose children are old enough to believe in Santa Claus appreciate that mechanism. It helps bridge time until a child receives pocket money which can be pedagogically cut. So there is no arguing about the difference between true and false, but it is a matter of evaluation.
Only providing that we can fully appreciate the fasinating way compliments are constructed, for they absolutely neglect the true/false criterion. That is, compliments can never be totally true nor false. This indifferent state is due to the fact the complimenting person has no choice between truth and falsehood. The social constraints do not assign that alternative. As a consequence, we will sometimes run the risk of reaping head-shaking indignitation instead of head-nodding appreciation if we prefer truth to lie. Assuming, we confront the General Manager's wife at the champagne buffet with our observation she must have increased her weight for about 20 per cent since the last social contact. This might be truth-, but not helpful for our career planning. This goes for her husband's receding hair-line, too. Reversely we are not allowed to lie too ostentatiously. Congratulating the General Manager's wife in the same situation to her spectacular weight reduction does not count as a compliment either - quite the contrary, it is regarded as malicious passing shot bluntly denying the obvious facts to emphasize them. As can be seen, compliments mean skating on thin ice and being dependent on that joker called delicacy. It decides if a compliment X uttered in situation Y still is a compliment when uttered in situation Z. So compliments are highly situative and culture-bound.
Taking historical information into account one cannot avoid the impression Germany has not been an area predominantly ocupied with sophisticated conversation and complimenting. Quite the contrary: Vast parts of the population have mistrusted Western European courtesy ever since. Perhaps that attitude rejecting intended face work has been a constituent factor on the way to developing German national identity. Dismissing the art of complimenting, as was cultivated on the left side of the Rhine, underlining its Machiavellist implications made it possible to insist on German sincerity and profoundness the French poseurs lacked who talked the severity of Life away. In turn, German severity was interpreted elsewhere as typical lack of politeness, fantasy and wit. The history of German politics is abundant of diplomatic confusions, affairs and embarrassments of that kind. We only have to think (in various degrees) of Wilhelm II. or Ribbentrop, even, much more harmless, of a former German Federal President. In films, the typical German of that time is always very strict, strained and stiff, presenting his duelling scars and parting of the hair executing his bow in such an abrupt way as if he wanted to knock his interlocutor's head. During the whole evening he will not indulge in a smile, be resistant to irony (which qualifies him as the perfect victim) and need large amounts of beer to generate a kind of humour which roughness will aggravate the apalling imprssion he has been making. The aftermath of this image still defines the international stereotype of being German.
Till the last quarter of the 20th century German mentality examined whether compliments and lies were the same. This attitude has not changed until the irony boom of the 1990s. This might have promoted the culture of complimenting, but unfortunately now the spirit of the age, the Zeitgeist, is hindering, for either a compliment is regarded to be plainly cynical or to be bluntly harassing. The latter goes especially for naive men who simply try to be polite meet ladies susceptible to molestation. The USA, which own without a doubt the cultural supremacy, are less reserved, in contrast. Apparently it is the American fashion to ask somebody about his or her secret, to assure him or her he or she looks young, he or she has flawless - in other words: false - teeth, and flourish! he or she has reduced some weight. Anyway, it is very telling hardly anyone compliments a person to his or her education and intelligence.
So making a compliment is a difficult thing. It might be helpful to become aware this is a case in point of a win-win situation: I compliment you and become increasingly appreciated. Therfore the conventional way of complimenting is everybody thinks they are empty phrases which are indispensable.
No comments:
Post a Comment